| Assembler | |
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent
the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
|
| C | |
You shoot yourself in the foot and then no one else can figure out what you did.
|
| C++ | |
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot.
Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are
bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
|
| Pascal | |
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
|
| Java | |
You shoot yourself with any kind of gun anywhere you want.
Unfortunately, it shoots real slowly and misses sometimes, especially when
shooting at windows.
|
| C# | |
You shoot yourself in the foot and bruise your toe.
|
| FORTRAN | |
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes,
then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
|
| Modula-2 | |
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language,
you shoot yourself in the head.
|
| COBOL | |
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER
on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether
shoelace needs to be retied.
|
| Lisp | |
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in
the appendage which holds...
|
| BASIC | |
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until
entire lower body is water logged.
|
| Visual BASIC | |
You draw yourself being shot in the foot with a water pistol.
|
| Forth | |
Foot yourself in the shoot.
|
| APL | |
You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out
how to do it in fewer characters.
|
| Snobol | |
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the
right foot.
|
| Prolog | |
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program
figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
|
| 370 JCL | |
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining
how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes
back deep-fried.
|
| COMAL | |
You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol, but the
bore is clogged, and the pressure build-up blows apart both the
pistol and your hand.
|
| Scheme | |
As Lisp, but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
|
| Algol | |
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is aesthetically
fascinating and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
|
| Ada | |
The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold
and a last cigarette.
|
| Eiffel | |
You create a GUN object, two FOOT objects and a BULLET object. The GUN passes
both the FOOT objects a reference to the BULLET. The FOOT objects increment
their hole counts and forget about the BULLET. A little demon then drives
a garbage truck over your feet and grabs the bullet (both of it) on the way.
|
| Smalltalk | |
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that
your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation and
makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
|
| PL/I | |
You consume all available system resources, including all the offline
bullets. The Data Processing and Payroll Department doubles its size,
triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes and drops the
original one on your foot.
|
| Postscript | |
foot bullets 6 locate loadgun aim gun shoot showpage
|
| PERL | |
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and
very heavy Swiss Army knife.
|
| BCPL | |
You shoot yourself somewhere in the leg -- you can't get any finer resolution than that.
|
| Concurrent Euclid | |
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
|
| Powerbuilder | |
While attempting to load the gun you discover that the LoadGun system
function is buggy; as a work around you tape the bullet to the outside
of the gun and unsuccessfully attempt to fire it with a nail.
In frustration you club your foot with the butt of the gun and
explain to your client that this approximates the functionality
of shooting yourself in the foot and that the next version
of Powerbuilder will fix it.
|
| Standard ML | |
By the time you get your code to typecheck, you're using a shoot to
foot yourself in the gun.
|
| Clipper | |
You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you can shoot
yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail REAL SOON NOW.
|
| Genetic Algorithms | |
You create 10,000 strings describing the best way to shoot yourself in the
foot. By the time the program produces the optimal solution, humans have
evolved wings and the problem is moot.
|
| HTML | |
You shoot yourself in the foot, only to find out that no matter how
gory the result looks, your foot keeps working. Your foot
finally stops working when you stub your toe kicking the
box the gun came in.
|
| Logo | |
You tell a turtle to draw a picture of a foot and a gun, then shoot the turtle.
|
| Occam | |
You try to shoot both of your feet with several guns at once, but deadlock.
|
| PHP | |
If you're lucky and the HTTP connection doesn't time out, you shoot
yourself in the foot.
|
| Z | |
You write out all the specifications of your foot, the bullet,
the gun, and the relevant laws of physics, but all you can do is
prove that you can shoot yourself in the foot.
|
| Ruby | |
Load the gun with anything you like and shoot yourself in the foot.
Everything's a bullet, you see.
|
| Python | |
You insert the bullet into the gun but because
there were actually TAB characters in the barrel instead
of spaces, the gun jams with an IndentError.
|
| UML | |
A model is made of the bullet, gun and foot using sequence
diagrams and a wide selection of document artefacts for the inception,
elaboration, construction and transition
iterations of the high-risk use cases. Unfortunately, the
architect has no actual hands-on experience implementing anything
and fails to find a developer able to actually implement
the shooting-ones-foot use cases.
|
